Practicing self-honesty

I recently had a conversation with a friend about reclaiming oneself. Although we come from different cultural backgrounds, we felt encouraged by society to follow a script. Growing up, we heard a lot of should-s from authority figures. Others knew what was best for us and seldom asked what we valued. While outwardly others saw us as compliant, internally, we defied the structures imposed on us and questioned everything.

For me, it wasn't until I reached my mid-30s that I finally began to come into my own. Until that point, the inclination to please tainted all my interactions. I voluntarily engaged in activities that didn't resonate with my being. I dressed in ways that made me uncomfortable. I said things I didn't truly mean.

It became clear that I needed to find out who I was. Because I didn't know myself, I became what I thought others wanted me to be. Because I didn't know myself, I communicated a false message of what I valued. Because I didn't know myself, I refrained from authoring my own life. How, then, could I expect others to understand me? How would I even know if what I needed to flourish was right before me?

I've learned that what's key to uncovering one's authenticity is the practice of self-honesty. When we're dishonest with others, our intention is often to conceal something from them. So with self-honesty, we strive to reveal more of ourselves. It also requires us to closely examine our motivations and how we may be contributing to our discontent. By facing ourselves with courage and self-compassion, we can move towards wholeness.

Questions to reflect on:

• If you were just a little bit more honest with yourself, what would you do differently tomorrow?

• In what ways are you already becoming more honest with yourself?

• What would others notice about you when you're speaking and acting from a place of honesty?