Letting go of what no longer serves us
Recently I posted a survey on an online group about what they've tried in the past to help them find their purpose in life. Here are the top five strategies that came out of that survey.
Leaving behind toxic people and places
Seeing a therapist
Reading self-help books
Changing careers
Learning a new skill
The strategy that came out with the most votes—leaving behind toxic people and places—surprised me since I had not included it as an option initially. In my own life, I've tried all five of these strategies. But letting go has always been the one I struggled with most.
I don't like to disappoint people. If I'm unhappy in a relationship or situation, I feel that I have some responsibility towards the other. I would think to myself: "But if I leave, what would they do without me?" "Who would help them with such and such when I'm gone?" And so, I would stay in the same workplace or sustain the same personal relationships that would sap my energy.
What I'm learning is that I'm not here to keep the world from falling apart (and neither are you!). Look, if everything goes haywire just because one person lets go, then that was never a sustainable solution in the first place. It's unnecessary for any one person to be in such a volatile position. I believe there is always a better way, and it may be their job to find it—not yours. And if you do choose to stay, make sure you are truly doing it out of love rather than fear.
In many situations, the most compassionate thing you can do might be to let others stumble and learn from their mistakes and at their own pace. We can't expect anyone else to do the work we need to do individually for us. In the end, each person has to take responsibility for their own life. The universe will always give each individual what they need to grow into themselves.
We don't have to suffer unnecessarily in life. While some pain and suffering may be inevitable, if we can permit ourselves to experience our own innate sense of joy, free of guilt, we'll be able to share the beauty that we experience with others who are ready to receive it—and I'm sure there are many.
Tips to begin the process of letting go
Create more space for yourself
Cultivate interdependent relationships
Believe in the resilience and capabilities of others
Recognize that change IS possible
Know that you deserve to be happy too
Questions to reflect on
What's something you've had to let go of in your past?
Why was it important for you to let go of this person or thing?
What effect did your letting go of that person or thing have on your life?
How were you able to let go of this person or thing? What helped you do that?
What did you learn about yourself and others from that experience?