How to deal with self-doubt

Anima (2018) by Thomas Lai

Self-doubt is something we all experience from time to time. Self-doubt often comes up when we step outside our comfort zone and do something we've never done before. Our self-doubt is often tied to our fear of being rejected. It is also tied to our core human need of self-worth.

When I was starting Lifted Being, I faced a lot of self-doubt. I would think to myself: Who am I to start a business and become a coach? How can I call myself a ‘spiritual’ life coach! Who would want to talk to me? What if I'm no good at this? But you know what? I did it anyway.

I'm still not free of self-doubt. It's something that I'm always working on as a coach, solopreneur, colleague, life-long student and human being. What helps me through moments of self-doubt is practicing mindfulness and using solution-focused language on myself to find clarity and regain confidence. Here are a few things I do to help me deal with self-doubt when it arises.

1. What does this situation really require of you?

Sometimes, we may have too high expectations of ourselves. It's good that we want to succeed. However, it's not so good when we feel so much doubt that it keeps us from taking action. When you feel stuck, ask yourself: what does this project or task really need from me? Get clear on what specific areas you really want to do well in instead of trying to get everything perfect. You can always work towards improving those other areas over time.

2. Look for instances that indicate you can do it.

What are some instances in the past that suggest you may be able to do what you need or want to do? For example, if you are doubting your ability to teach, what are some moments in the past where you taught someone something, even if you thought you were just 'helping' at the time? What did people say in the past to you that affirmed your ability to teach? What did you draw on to help you do that in the past? If you can't think of anything, when was a time when you taught yourself something? Take time to really look for clues that support your abilities.

3. Identify resources that can help you.

When we are plagued by self-doubt, we may feel like we have to do everything on our own or we have to know everything. No one knows everything and we can all use a little help at times. What resources can you use to develop the skills you need (books, videos, etc.)? Who will be there to support you? Also, what did you draw on in the past to help you move through a similar situation (meditation, setting time for deliberate practice, etc.)?

4. Remember that life offers you many possibilties.

The truth is, even if we fail, it's usually not the end of the world. My previous career as a designer went no where because I wasn’t doing what I made me feel alive: connecting with other humans on a deeper level. But that failure gave me the chance to start a new business and career focusing on helping people grow into their authentic self and move towards wholeness of being. Discovering what I truly care about gave me the energy, drive and motivation to live and offer something of value to the world. I can also use the design skills I had acquired before to support this new chapter in my life.

Experiencing self-doubt is normal part of being human. We may not be able to get rid of our self-doubt entirely, but we can learn to recognize it and address it with some helpful strategies. What are some ways you've helped yourself in moments of self-doubt?