Power and Love
Photo by Marek Piwnicki on Unsplash
Today, power is a dirty word for a lot of people. We may associate power with abuse, corruption, and danger based on our observation of or direct experience with individuals in positions of authority.
My own relationship with power has been tinged with fear and guilt. When I was growing up, I was taught to keep from expressing myself too boldly. Being compliant was seen as a virtue. Experiences of being overpowered as a child also created this belief that when anyone exercises their power, someone will inevitably get hurt.
What does power really mean? And what does it mean to have true power? According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the word power comes from the Anglo-French word poer, which means "to be able." Power, then, can be thought of as our ability to act and be effective in the world. Paul Linden, a body-awareness educator, martial artist and author, further clarifies the definition of power. Linden believes that power "is the ability to control your environment in ethical ways to achieve your goals. Or, power is the ability to move your body in graceful, efficient, effective ways."
To ensure that our use of power remains ethical, Linden shares that power must be integrated with love. He teaches his students that power and love must go together. He states:
Power and love, contrary to the model that our culture uses, really are inseparable. In fact, they are the same. Love without power is limp and ineffective, and power without love is rigid and harsh. In either case, love or power is diminished to the point where it becomes just a shadow and not true power or love at all. Power is the foundation for the ability to love, and love is the foundation for wise use of power. This is not mere philosophy but is simply a shorthand method of stating that the body and the self must be soft and receptive as well as integrated and strong in order to function well.
Linden's view on power and love reminds me of a verse from the Tao Te Ching.
Men are born soft and supple;
dead, they are stiff and hard.
Plants are born tender and pliant;
dead, they are brittle and dry.
Thus whoever is stiff and inflexible
is a disciple of death.
Whoever is soft and yielding
is a disciple of life.
The hard and stiff will be broken.
The soft and supple will prevail.
(translation by Stephen Mitchell, 1995)
Something I've learned recently is our body will show us how well we've integrated both love and power within ourselves. As I was walking to my car in a parking lot, I suddenly realized that when I've been compressing myself physically. I'm almost 6 feet tall, and I've developed a pattern of diminishing my physicality to appear smaller — so I don't appear to be a threat (because I fear or have guilt around my power). In the recent past, I would also constrict myself and make my body rigid when in a difficult conversation. That reflex often led me to feel drained emotionally from the interaction. It took me some time to learn to relax and center myself in these situations. By learning to integrate and embody love and power, I have more capacity to treat the other person with respect even in disagreements.
There are many techniques to help us embody power and love. In the Realization Process Embodiment work, we attune to the quality of love within our chest. This is love as a quality, not an emotion. It is a subtle experience of pure love within our body that arises independently of any object of affection. We can also attune to the quality of power in our abdomen, which feels energetically like the power of a waterfall. Through that subtle attunement, my body naturally stands up straighter. As an experiment, you can try attuning to love and power in your body. Something I'm exploring is how my interactions with others may shift if I inhabit and soften my chest and abdomen. From my experience so far, it does give me greater access to love and power at the moment.
Being able to embody both power and love at the same time, I believe, is a key to helping us move forward in our lives. For me, it's an ongoing process that requires practice, self-awareness, and self-compassion. When I'm able to integrate both power and love, I can better express my needs without aggression, I can say "no" to others from a place of kindness, and I can disagree from a place of compassion. If we can all move towards that, wouldn't it make our lives, and the world, more harmonious?
Reflections
When was the last time you exercised your power around others (perhaps with someone you consider to be your equal or superior)?
In that same moment, how might you have been exhibiting love with power to some degree? How might others have experienced this?
What helps you allow others to exercise their ability to be effective? What do they notice about you when you give them that opportunity?
Side note: I've recently been informed that my blog was selected by Feedspot as one of the Top 30 Canadian Mindfulness Blogs. Thanks to all my readers for your continued support.
Sources
Laozi, & Mitchell, S. (2006). Tao Te Ching : A New English Version. Harpercollins.
Linden, P. (2007). Embodied Peacemaking: Body Awareness, Self-Regulation, and Conflict Resolution (1st ed.). CCMS Publications.