Moving through awkward phases
Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash
You may be familiar with the awkward teenage years. It's a time when you're not a kid anymore and you're not quite an adult yet. I remember doing a lot of cringey things during that period and I rather not relive it.
When we first reach adulthood we may have sighed with relief thinking we reached the other shore at last! Finally, the awkward phase is over. Unfortunately, that hasn't been the case — at least not from my experience.
As adults, we are continuously transforming throughout our life. I'm not just speaking of the wrinkles and grey hairs. We may feel a natural inclination to shift away from an old identity — as a child puts down the pacifier once she's outgrown it.
An awkward phase may emerge in the space between new and old. We may find ourselves dressing differently, speaking differently, engaging in new activities that we used to find uninteresting, connecting with a new crowd, and moving to a new place. We might ask ourselves questions such as:
"If I'm no longer a caretaker, what else can I be?"
"If I'm no longer the CEO of an organization, what would I do with myself?"
"If I'm no longer a victim, what am I now?"
"If I'm no longer affiliated with this community, what will become of me?"
We might also notice people close to us begin to question our choices. They might think we are confused or going through an identity crisis. Or maybe they want to pull us back so we can forever remain as that same person in their life.
It takes tremendous courage to move through this awkward phase by trusting the natural change process. We want certainty, but this is a period of not-knowing — that can be scary for many of us. While going through this period, it's important to give ourselves permission to screw up and be foolish while we try on new aspects of ourselves. We can adopt a playful attitude to help us move through this time with greater curiosity. From this place of curiosity, we might experience an excitement for what's beginning to emerge: something more authentic, more real, more alive, more you.
While going through our awkward phases, we may also want to surround ourselves with people who can support us in our process of self-discovery. Eventually, we will step out of the long tunnel into a new place in a new form. When the butterfly finally emerges from the chrysalis, all beholds its majesty as if in a dream.
Reflection
When was the last time you experienced an awkward phase? What helped you move through it?
If you are acting as your own best friend, what would you encourage yourself to try doing as you move through period of change and awkwardness?
Instead of calling it an awkward phase, can you give this phase a different name? Perhaps a name that may help you see it in a new light?