What is truth?

Everywhere I turn, there are people who claim to have uncovered the truth of a given matter. They know what's right and anyone who disagrees is wrong, ignorant or misguided.

I always wondered: what gives people such confidence that their views are absolutely correct?

Throughout human history, our understanding of ourselves and the world has constantly changed and evolved as new knowledge and experience entered our collective consciousness. Sometimes, when a trailblazer reveals new information, society rejects it because it challenges the existing worldview. But over time, the community adapts to the new understanding. A new perspective on reality then influences and shapes how we engage with each other and the world. We look back and laugh at those who came before us, forgetting that we too are subject to our own confusions.

A thousand years from today, if humanity manages to survive the many challenges that lie before us, many of the ideas we now hold to be true in ethics, psychology, medicine, the natural sciences and spirituality may appear unsophisticated to future humans.

To illustrate this point on a more personal level, positive psychology, once celebrated as the superior approach, has been facing some criticism. Critics question the scientific veracity of positive psychology and argue it encourages people to neglect trauma, oppression and social inequalities.

The life coaching industry, an offshoot of the positive psychology movement, has also faced its share of scrutiny. As a practicing coach, how should I respond to these challenging viewpoints that raise questions about the legitimacy of my profession?

Should I try to defend life coaching against the critics? To be honest, I feel disappointed since many of the criticisms raised, particularly around the over-promises and individualism, have merit. I also have some reservations about positive psychology, especially when used to deny negative emotions, which I've seen lead to unfortunate consequences in people's lives. At the same time, I wonder if we don't need to throw the baby out with the bathwater. The approach of positive psychology, and coaching, may be helpful in some contexts and depending on how it is applied. The world is not black and white.

It hurts to consider the possibility that some of our cherished beliefs may actually be false. After all, we may have invested much of our time, energy and perhaps even identity to a particular perspective. All of us who find their worldview challenged may experience this great unease.

When we feel challenged and hurt, things tend to go very wrong when we want to stop whatever or whoever we think is causing us to feel this discomfort, who is shaking up our world, and we fight back with aggression. We want to crush the creator of our pain rather than sit with our feelings, and reflect on what's causing us to feel this way and give ourselves some space to consider the information we've received rather than outright reject it because it made us feel bad.

In an ideal situation, we can all be vulnerable with each other, expressing how we feel, beyond the anger: the fear, anxiety, hurt, and sadness and begin by just acknowledging how both sides are responding emotionally to different ideas. If we know how we are feeling and how others are feeling, what kind of conversations will help us continue to be with each other, and live with other? Without knowing the other group is also experiencing and responding to pain, we cannot proceed in a curious and compassionate manner.

We also must recognize that it is difficult for people to change their worldview overnight. Change is hard: asking people to abandon how they've lived and perceived the world for thirty to forty years is not a small, simple project.

As a gay man, I sometimes interact with non-queer people who struggle with certain aspects of being queer. I often found it more useful to listen to their frustrations with curiosity, rather than berate them for their ignorance. Berating people only makes them feel shame, and shame is a powerful emotion. Shame leads people to behave not as their best self; and it may compel them to see you as a threat to their well-being.

I'm not trying to make excuses for people who do cause terrible harm to marginalized communities, even if intergenerational trauma may have something to do with it. Sometimes we do need to stand up and push back. But maybe we also need to look deeper than peoples' outward behaviours. Maybe we need to ask what unmet need motivates particular actions? How can we help each other feel safe or open enough to express those deeper needs so we can attend to them? How do we help each other learn to sensitize to our feelings so we can act with greater self-awareness?

I believe this extreme polarization we're witnessing presents enormous danger to humanity. The attachment to ultimate truth as a means for finding a sense of safety and belonging can divert us from attending to a more critical issue: how can we live with each other in a world of change and uncertainty? What really matters right now?